I am a Christian; I am an active disciple of Jesus Christ. I was born into a family of followers of Jesus Christ, and it has been a part of my life since the day I was born.
There is this thing, though, about being a devoted disciple. We all have that moment where we need to find out for ourselves and decide for ourselves if all of it is true and if we are really going to dedicate our lives to it. What I believe and the way that I live my life because of those beliefs is 100% my decision and personal responsibility.
I have had many moments in my life where I completely knew with absolute surety that Christ lives, that His gospel has been restored, and that the path I have found is right and true. I think that these moments have accumulated over time to create a coating around my soul--a constant beat of knowing. I have become accustomed to this constant beat; it is with me all day, and so I sometimes don't realize how strong it is until I am brought back to another one of those silent, still, unclouded moments of absolute knowing. You know the ones I am talking about: everything stops, it is just God and me and that beat, and the beat is so heavy that it feels like that is the only part of me that exists. And all of a sudden I know that God is real, He hears me, He loves me, and He has a plan so that I can return to Him.
Those big moments, the ones that stick out as spikes on my spiritual heart monitor, are so special and sacred to me. Sometimes, I worry about sharing them. With that worry still present, I have decided I want to start a new series on my blog called "The Moment I Knew" that highlights some (not all) of the experiences that I have had where I just absolutely knew something was true. Even though I don't feel it is appropriate to share some things I've experienced, I still want to share what I can so that others can be strengthened.
So. Here is my sweaty palmed first installment.
The Moment I Knew: The Book of Mormon Was True.
Like I said, there are little knowing moments every day of my life, but that isn't what I am going to focus on here today.
In August 2005, President Gordon B Hinckley, gave the entire world a challenge. He asked every one to read The Book of Mormon before the end of the year and ask God, in prayer, if it is a true book.
He closed this promise saying, "without reservation I promise you that if each of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God."
I was 15 years old at the time and had already spent many years reading through The Book of Mormon with my family and on my own. I figured that I had felt and experienced enough to know that it was a true book. I didn't feel a lot of eagerness at fulfilling the challenge because I felt that my surety was pretty immovable, but I decided to listlessly go through it anyway.
December of 2005 rolled around and it felt like each page was tugging me further into the book and further into my motivation. It was the end of December, and I was only about halfway through. I felt a little defeated and sat down to see how far I could get in one sitting. I couldn't put it down. I shut myself up in my room, and I read for hours. My desire to finish reading it by December 31st was like a fire in my throat that I couldn't swallow. I. needed. to. do. it.
New Years Eve came, and I still hadn't finished. I called my friends and told them I couldn't come to their New Years Eve party anymore, and I settled down into the big pink chair in my parents room. I read all afternoon. It didn't ever become a chore. I was engrossed, my love of what I was reading grew, and there was this palpable feeling in the air that I couldn't completely understand.
I remember the moment that I finished with such clarity it is like watching a movie of myself in slow motion. I had moved to my room, and I was sitting on my bed. My heart began to race as I saw the pages winding down. I knew what was coming.
President Hinckley talked about a moment when Moroni, the prophet that completed the record that would become The Book of Mormon 16 centuries ago, spoke directly to his future readers. He reminded us that in ending the record, Moroni promises us that "God shall show unto you, that that which I have written is true" (Moroni 10:29).
My heart began that heavy beat as I read the words of his promise in my unsteady hands...
"When ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:4-5)
I rubbed my eyes trying to see clearly through the tears that were welling, and hurried to read through the 29 verses that I had left. I wanted to get to the end. I wanted to try his promise. I wanted to know.
I had never actually knelt down and specifically asked for a witness to whether The Book of Mormon was true or not; I hadn't yet felt the desperate desire to know that I was then feeling. I quickly got to the last verse, I closed the book, and I got down on my knees.
My soul was heavy with its beat. I felt the cold wood floor beneath my knees, my hands trembled slightly as I folded them, and I bowed my head.
As soon as I bowed my head, I knew He was listening. I could feel nothing but that beat--that beat and the greatest feeling of love that I had ever felt in my life. It enveloped me. It became me till I could feel nothing else: none of the worries, pains, criticisms. All I could feel was almost perfect peace and a love of myself, a love of God, and a love of my fellow man that I had never yet experienced. It was just me and God and that beat.
I smiled as I asked Him my question, "Heavenly Father, I know, I mean..I really do know it's true, but I just need to know from you. Will you tell me...is this book true?"
I almost felt silly asking. After the hours I had spent with that feeling--that inexplicable peace--and the new level of strength and intimacy that I felt when I talked to God, how could I not know that this book must be from Him?
I got my answer.
I got the answer that I really had known all along. But it was different this time--because this time I had asked, and I got my answer directly from Him.
I knew in that moment that God knew me. He knew my name. He listened to the feeble prayer of a 15 year old girl and answered her concerns, her questions, her troubles. He sent His Spirit to be with her and to make her feel whole, powerful, full of love, full of conviction, and full of peace.
This book had gotten me closer to Him than I had ever felt. I felt so grateful for it. I felt so sure of it.
I have had this experience many times. Every time I have finished reading The Book of Mormon, I have gotten back down on my knees to ask Him again. That is the thing about Heavenly Father, He never tires of talking to you and assuring you. Every time we ask Him if something is true, no matter how many times we've already asked, I know He will answer.
I have felt it kneeling on the concrete floor of a dorm room. I have felt it kneeling on the plush bathroom rug of an apartment in Santa Rosa. I have felt it kneeling next to my husband in our humid apartment. I have felt it over and over again.
This experience changed my life. It was one of the first moments I knew. I think about it often as I sometimes question or wonder about things in life.
Because I know that The Book of Mormon is true, I know that the heavens are open, God still speaks, and the gospel of Jesus Christ is on the earth again. I can wonder and question about other things all that I want...but when I know that The Book of Mormon is true, I have to admit that everything else is.
When I feel criticized or belittled because of my beliefs or if the world is telling me otherwise or if I am worried or afraid, I remember what I know is true. After that, everything else falls into proper perspective. Nothing else matters as much as my faith in Christ and my determination to follow him.
I remember the words of others that have sacrificed so much for the truth:
Find out (or remember) for yourself: here
