He is in the details

One of my favorite things ever said by President Thomas S. Monson (the current living prophet on the earth today) was when he simply testified,

"God is in the details of our lives."

RBH and I were talking the other night about all of the simple things that happened in our lives that led us to each other. First, let me clarify: we don't believe in soul-mates. As Pres. Spencer W. Kimball said, "they are fiction and an illusion." We get to choose our spouse. I know that RBH chose me and that I chose him back.

As one of my brother's favorite quotes says (also by Thomas S Monson):

Choose your love; love your choice.

Although we know that it was completely our choice to marry each other and to continue to love each other forever, it quickly becomes apparent that God, our loving Heavenly Father, loves us enough to lead us in directions that will give us the most happiness. 

RBH and I have both made many decisions that we felt really guided in that resulted in "wow if I hadn't done that, we never would have met/this never would have happened" statements.

I know that God is in the details of my life. I know that He knows my name, my needs, and my deepest desires. He knows my strengths; He knows my weaknesses. He knows just how to specifically tailor certain circumstances in my life to give me the most growth and happiness--as long as I'm willing to take it and not shove off an opportunity. He knows exactly how to elevate my strengths, and He knows how to strengthen my weaknesses too.

This weekend I had this simple truth confirmed to me yet again.

I was waiting to hear on two different pieces of news that were completely out of my control that would determine how the next year of my life will work out.

I heard the first piece of news in the morning.

Totally. not. what. I. wanted.

WHY.

This would've worked perfectly. PERFECTLY. This would give me so much happiness and progress. I KNOW IT. Why didn't this work out??!?

I felt my faith quivering under the weight of my negative thoughts. There is no reason this shouldn't have worked out. Of course now the second thing won't work. I know it won't. UGH. WHY. I've been doing everything I should.

This is all I was feeling. I felt like my entire perspective had swung into a different light. I felt bitter, confused, and I didn't love myself.

But then I chose to remember. I remembered how many times the Lord had taken care of me, how much we had been through together, how many times I could feel that He knew me and my circumstances and that He had everything under control.

So I decided to remember that instead. I chose to have faith. I stood up. I pushed back the lies, and I got down on my knees. I began to pray for news #2. And I did it with a believing heart despite what I wanted to feel.

News #2 came about 15 minutes later.

I found out I could take all the rest of my classes (a mere 6 classes--could it be any closer?) in the town I'm living in instead of driving 5 hours a week.

When understanding how this whole system works - this is A MIRACLE.

I was willing to make the driving sacrifice. This is something so small. This is something so unimportant in the long run. It has no effect on the rest of the universe.

But it was important to me - so it was important to Him.

And I could feel that with a fire. This could have not worked out and it would have been fine. But He gave it to me. He reminded me how much He cared.

We are His children. He wants to bless us. Just ask. Just ask and trust that even though you might not get exactly what you want, exactly what you expected, exactly what would be so perfect -- you will be guided by somebody that knows more, knows better, and loves you more than you love yourself.

I sat back and thought about the decisions I've made in the last 3-4 years: decisions I didn't understand completely, decisions I wasn't even that fond of. It was like putting on a new pair of glasses and I could all of a sudden read words that were in focus. I could see how guided I was in making those decisions to lead me to where I am right now.

There are probably exactly 6 classes I could take distance ed in my major...and they just happen to be the 6 classes that I have left. That isn't a coincidence. I had never planned on moving before finishing my major. But the Lord made sure that things were just right so that if I decided that I wanted to marry RBH before school was done, I could.

I wish I could hand a picture of where I am right now to my 2010 self. To show 2010 Coco that all those hard decisions she didn't understand were worth it.

I don't know why news #1 didn't work out. I don't know exactly why I'm making some of the decisions I am right now. But I feel confident that in 2020 I will look back tearfully at how the Lord guided even my smallest footsteps, or stamped his approval on some of the leaps I took on my own, and I will know yet again that He is in the details of my life.

I realized that choosing to have faith, choosing to remember, choosing to have hope - that is the decision that determines how much of His hand we see in our lives. If we really want to see it, we will.

Happy is easy when you make that choice.

I don't understand everything -- but I hold tight to what I do know...

that He is in the details of my life.

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