The Man Down The Hall

Today is my dad's birthday. We were just with him last week, and I got to talk to him about what he wanted as a gift. He gave one of his typical answers (normally it is "for all my children to be happy" or "for a hug" or something like that.) His response this time was, "I just want a poem."

Well, Dad, don't mind if I do...

The Man Down The Hall

By Coco

Every day of my life,

there was something new:

a different concern,

something stressful to do.

I would take down my worry from off of the wall,

stuff it into my backpack, and walk out to the hall.

And every day I came across a most peculiar sight:

a man sitting down, studying, with all of his might.

his ankle was crossed, so it sat on his knee

where he’d balance his book, while he looked up at me.

“Good morning dear daughter! You are just awesome”

then he’d set down his scriptures, and his arms? He would cross ‘em.

As I turned down the stairs, my eyes daily would stray

to that man down the hall, beginning to pray.

And that is how it was day after day,

right before he would work and I would go play.

How much work that he did, I hadn’t a clue.

After all, I had learned, that’s just what dads do.

As time went on, my life’s chaos did grow

along with worry, concern, and a yearning to know.

Every path seemed to be laid with a hundred decisions:

friends, morals, career, marriage, college, and missions.

No answers would be in the books on my shelf.

How would I do this all by myself?

I would look down the hall and there the answer would sit,

with his glasses hung low and his sweater of knit.

So I’d open my heart and my scriptures too,

as I had seen the man down the hall do.

And because of his constant presence and care,

I realized He too must always be there.

So I talked to Him more, and He helped me to see

that I wasn’t alone; He was always with me.

And I realized that He must love me too.

After all, I had learned, that’s just what dads do.

When I wanted to know just who I should be,

I looked up to Him hoping He would listen to me.

I was sure that He was, so I prayed more determined to know.

Because I’d spent years of him listening and helping me grow.

Sometimes it hurt, picking out all my thoughts and my worry

to sew them together and wrap them around me.

And I wondered how much was the worth of a soul.

Not just any old specimen but my very own.

But I never got far in this bleak train of thought

because my divine nature was something I had been taught

by that dear constant man that lived down the hall,

who daily gave everything, so he could give me it all.

I never could doubt there was a God and a Plan

because of the way that he lived, that down-the-hall man.

And I realized that He wants me to have it all too.

After all, I had learned, that’s just what dads do.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you very much.

The Moment I Knew

I am a Christian; I am an active disciple of Jesus Christ. I was born into a family of followers of Jesus Christ, and it has been a part of my life since the day I was born. 

There is this thing, though, about being a devoted disciple. We all have that moment where we need to find out for ourselves and decide for ourselves if all of it is true and if we are really going to dedicate our lives to it. What I believe and the way that I live my life because of those beliefs is 100% my decision and personal responsibility. 

I have had many moments in my life where I completely knew with absolute surety that Christ lives, that His gospel has been restored, and that the path I have found is right and true. I think that these moments have accumulated over time to create a coating around my soul--a constant beat of knowing. I have become accustomed to this constant beat; it is with me all day, and so I sometimes don't realize how strong it is until I am brought back to another one of those silent, still, unclouded moments of absolute knowing. You know the ones I am talking about: everything stops, it is just God and me and that beat, and the beat is so heavy that it feels like that is the only part of me that exists. And all of a sudden I know that God is real, He hears me, He loves me, and He has a plan so that I can return to Him.

Those big moments, the ones that stick out as spikes on my spiritual heart monitor, are so special and sacred to me. Sometimes, I worry about sharing them. With that worry still present, I have decided I want to start a new series on my blog called "The Moment I Knew" that highlights some (not all) of the experiences that I have had where I just absolutely knew something was true. Even though I don't feel it is appropriate to share some things I've experienced, I still want to share what I can so that others can be strengthened.

So. Here is my sweaty palmed first installment.

The Moment I Knew: The Book of Mormon Was True. 

Like I said, there are little knowing moments every day of my life, but that isn't what I am going to focus on here today.

In August 2005, President Gordon B Hinckley, gave the entire world a challenge. He asked every one to read The Book of Mormon before the end of the year and ask God, in prayer, if it is a true book.

He closed this promise saying, "without reservation I promise you that if each of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God."

I was 15 years old at the time and had already spent many years reading through The Book of Mormon with my family and on my own. I figured that I had felt and experienced enough to know that it was a true book. I didn't feel a lot of eagerness at fulfilling the challenge because I felt that my surety was pretty immovable, but I decided to listlessly go through it anyway. 

December of 2005 rolled around and it felt like each page was tugging me further into the book and further into my motivation. It was the end of December, and I was only about halfway through. I felt a little defeated and sat down to see how far I could get in one sitting. I couldn't put it down. I shut myself up in my room, and I read for hours. My desire to finish reading it by December 31st was like a fire in my throat that I couldn't swallow. I. needed. to. do. it. 

New Years Eve came, and I still hadn't finished. I called my friends and told them I couldn't come to their New Years Eve party anymore, and I settled down into the big pink chair in my parents room. I read all afternoon. It didn't ever become a chore. I was engrossed, my love of what I was reading grew, and there was this palpable feeling in the air that I couldn't completely understand. 

I remember the moment that I finished with such clarity it is like watching a movie of myself in slow motion. I had moved to my room, and I was sitting on my bed. My heart began to race as I saw the pages winding down. I knew what was coming.

President Hinckley talked about a moment when Moroni, the prophet that completed the record that would become The Book of Mormon 16 centuries ago, spoke directly to his future readers. He reminded us that in ending the record, Moroni promises us that "God shall show unto you, that that which I have written is true" (Moroni 10:29). 

My heart began that heavy beat as I read the words of his promise in my unsteady hands...

"When ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:4-5)

I rubbed my eyes trying to see clearly through the tears that were welling, and hurried to read through the 29 verses that I had left. I wanted to get to the end. I wanted to try his promise. I wanted to know.

I had never actually knelt down and specifically asked for a witness to whether The Book of Mormon was true or not; I hadn't yet felt the desperate desire to know that I was then feeling. I quickly got to the last verse, I closed the book, and I got down on my knees.

My soul was heavy with its beat. I felt the cold wood floor beneath my knees, my hands trembled slightly as I folded them, and I bowed my head. 

As soon as I bowed my head, I knew He was listening. I could feel nothing but that beat--that beat and the greatest feeling of love that I had ever felt in my life. It enveloped me. It became me till I could feel nothing else: none of the worries, pains, criticisms. All I could feel was almost perfect peace and a love of myself, a love of God, and a love of my fellow man that I had never yet experienced. It was just me and God and that beat. 

I smiled as I asked Him my question, "Heavenly Father, I know, I mean..I really do know it's true, but I just need to know from you. Will you tell me...is this book true?"

I almost felt silly asking. After the hours I had spent with that feeling--that inexplicable peace--and the new level of strength and intimacy that I felt when I talked to God, how could I not know that this book must be from Him? 

I got my answer.

I got the answer that I really had known all along. But it was different this time--because this time I had asked, and I got my answer directly from Him.

I knew in that moment that God knew me. He knew my name. He listened to the feeble prayer of a 15 year old girl and answered her concerns, her questions, her troubles. He sent His Spirit to be with her and to make her feel whole, powerful, full of love, full of conviction, and full of peace. 

This book had gotten me closer to Him than I had ever felt. I felt so grateful for it. I felt so sure of it.

I have had this experience many times. Every time I have finished reading The Book of Mormon, I have gotten back down on my knees to ask Him again. That is the thing about Heavenly Father, He never tires of talking to you and assuring you. Every time we ask Him if something is true, no matter how many times we've already asked, I know He will answer. 

I have felt it kneeling on the concrete floor of a dorm room. I have felt it kneeling on the plush bathroom rug of an apartment in Santa Rosa. I have felt it kneeling next to my husband in our humid apartment. I have felt it over and over again. 

This experience changed my life. It was one of the first moments I knew. I think about it often as I sometimes question or wonder about things in life. 

Because I know that The Book of Mormon is true, I know that the heavens are open, God still speaks, and the gospel of Jesus Christ is on the earth again. I can wonder and question about other things all that I want...but when I know that The Book of Mormon is true, I have to admit that everything else is.

When I feel criticized or belittled because of my beliefs or if the world is telling me otherwise or if I am worried or afraid, I remember what I know is true. After that, everything else falls into proper perspective. Nothing else matters as much as my faith in Christ and my determination to follow him.

I remember the words of others that have sacrificed so much for the truth:

"It's true, isn't it? Then what else matters..."  (Reference here)

Find out (or remember) for yourself: here

Books Reviews: The First 17 of 2014

One of my New Years Resolutions is to read at least 40 books this year. I did a blog post at the end of the year about my 10 favorite books from 2013, and I got some good feedback! So I thought that I would post book reviews more regularly.

This post is TOO LONG. So I think I'll start posting after I complete one book ;)

Books I'm reading this year have been chosen for 1 of 4 reasons:
1. I never finished this book or I skim read it for class and it needs another go around.
2. It will help me for teaching in the Fall
3. Someone I love suggested it, and I want to talk about it with them.
4. A selfish pick just for my little heart and desires.


So here are my reviews of the first 17 books I've read this year...

The Best and Worst of Living in Utah

This weekend we said goodbye to our very first home together:

When we said goodbye to the house, I cried. There were so many wonderful beautiful moments that are associated with this house. It was our first place together--so many things happened here and we fell more in love. I'm so grateful that RBH was confident/sauve/perfect enough to trick me into getting married this summer so that we had all this time in this house together.

Whenever I say goodbye to a place that is filled with these sorts of memories I think about the part in Sense and Sensibility when Marianne says goodbye to Norland and she is super over-dramatic about it:

"Dear, dear Norland!" said Marianne, as she wandered alone before the house, on the last evening of their being there; "when shall I cease to regret you?--when learn to feel a home elsewhere?--Oh happy house! could you know what I suffer in now viewing you from this spot, from whence perhaps I may view you now more!--And you, ye well-known trees!--but you will continue the same.--No leaf will decay because we are removed, nor any branch become motionless although we can observe you no longer!--No; you will continue the same; unconscious of the pleasure or the regret you occasion, and insensible of any change in those who walk under your shade!--But who will remain to enjoy you?"
- Jane Austen, Sense&Sensibility, Chapter 5

I was Oh Happy House-ing all over the place when we had to leave. We are really excited for our next adventure, though. In honor of change, hellos, and goobyes, I have compiled a list of things that I will miss about Utah and things that I will not miss about Utah...

What Yesterday REALLY Meant

I hope everybody had a lovely Easter yesterday. It is interesting that when we are in the midst of celebrating and being festive how hard it is to feel the reality of why we are celebrating. Honestly, the life, ministry, atonement, death, resurrection of Jesus Christ is really hard for me to mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fathom. I feel like there are only a couple times in my whole life that I have come close to really feeling everything that it means to me, feel the weight of what He really did and does for me.

This video comes really close to expressing all those deep and weighty feelings that I feel about Him and about yesterday. Take a chance to reflect on what yesterday really meant. It is hard for me to get my head around and even harder for me to get my heart around...





Also, my sister is shown at 2:17. See if you can spot her.

Free Live Streaming Concert Tonight

My freakishly talented Brother-in-law will be doing a Live Streaming Concert online from his home studio TONIGHT - April 15th- at 9pm EST.

He'll be playing some original songs, covers, and songs from his band Upstanding Youth. If you sign up HERE to enjoy the show, you'll have the chance to suggest the songs he plays and be in a drawing for an iTunes gift card.

A pretty cool Tuesday night.

He explains it all here:

Enjoy :)

My Favorite Weekend of The Year...and Why

This weekend is my favorite weekend of the whole year.

The first weekend of April and the first weekend of October is a special weekend in the Mormon world. We have a worldwide meeting where the prophet, apostles, and other general leaders in the church address us. The meeting is broadcast in 90+ languages in 197 different countries.

Because we believe that the prophet is God's mouthpiece, this weekend is full of receiving God's words and will for us RIGHT NOW. It is such an uplifting, invigorating, peaceful, and tender experience for me.

For a quick explanation, you can look here.



For my explanation, you can read here:

I am currently reading the Old Testament, and I am so engrossed in the way that the children of Israel treat the Lord's word as they receive it through his prophets. I am impressed by how much God loves them to keep giving them another chance again and again. They were part of His church, though, and so of course they received direct guidance from Him through His mouthpiece.

When I have read through Acts in the New Testament, I have felt such empathy for the twelve apostles that Christ left to continue to establish and guide His church. They were just men, but they were given divine guidance and direction to do the Lord's work. The people at this time that were a part of His church continued to get direction from The Lord through them.

As "Mormons" or members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. We believe He is not only not dead but that He still speaks. I know that God is a loving Heavenly Father and He does not intend to leave His children wandering. Just as He has since the beginning of time, I believe He directs us through prophets and apostles today.

That is why this weekend is so important to me. Think of the excitement and preparation you would feel if The Lord were coming to hold a meeting to give you specific direction for THIS day and time. The prophet and apostles, like those of the past, are just men. They have weaknesses; they make mistakes (just as those of the past). These men though are given divine guidance and direction, and we are given the opportunity to listen to those words every 6 months (at least).

That is my simple explanation for why this week is my favorite of the year. I cry every time it ends. It is a time of spiritual uplifting for me.

If you are curious, you can check it out here.
There are meetings both Saturday & Sunday at 10am & 2pm MDT. The prophet will be speaking on Sunday at the 10am meeting.



If you couldn't read all of that ^ then just check out this simple 1 minute explanation/sneak peak here:

We are planning on watching at our local chapel with the one other couple there--a pair of cute white haired 80 year olds. I can't wait to listen, feel, write, and talk about it all later with RBH over some good food.

Here's to my favorite weekend. I hope Monday never comes! ;)


PS - if you feel confused or awkward about my explanation or e-vite to watch along with me, www.normans.com has got you covered with their explanation at TED Talks With a Twist--Why You Shouldn't Be Scared of Mormon General Conference. They're pretty much right...it is just like TED talks given by all Mormons ;) haha

My First Date with a Female GA and I Lost It

This morning I was sitting with RBH in the religion building on BYU campus, and a woman approached me. She was older and adorable and asked if I would be willing to escort her out to her car. I immediately stood up with an "of course!" and we linked arms and started heading for the door.

We made small talk throughout our whole walk. I kept asking her really common questions like how long she had been teaching at BYU, if she grew up around here, etc.

As we neared her car she halted my questions with a simple explanation, "I'm Ann Madsen," as if to say, "you don't know who I am???" My brain starts buzzing: oh my I feel so stupid. I was supposed to recognize you. Crud. That name sounds so familiar but I can't place why I know you. Are you Truman's wife or daughter? or sister? Crud crud crud. Instead this comes out of my mouth, "nice to meet you! I'm Coco." She thanks me for walking her to her car, and I run off as fast as possible with my tail between my legs.

I am so embarrassed.

I run up to RBH and say, "babe babe babe I just walked Ann Madsen to her car and I was such an idiot because I kept asking her stupid questions that I SHOULD know and then after she said who she was I didn't give it any recognition and she probably thinks I'm a stupid freshman that doesn't even know General Conference is this weekend. Help me remember why I'm supposed to know her!!!!!!"

RBH reminds me: Truman G Madsen's wife. Currently on the Sunday School General Board. Professor of Ancient Scripture at BYU. Author. Has made those really smart Old Testament DVDs. THE ANCIENT SCRIPTURE SCHOLAR IN THE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND EARTH DVD. 

I escorted a female LDS scholar to her car and I totally blew it.

What could I have said?! "Hi um. My husband and I dated long distance and listening to your husband's books on CD is what got me through all the hours of driving there and back." or "Hi. you are the smartest woman I've talked to probably...maybe in my life...now lets talk more about the weather."

No. I didn't say anything. I just ran away.

Remember when I met John Mayer and he told me I was cute and I was totally fine?!?! Then I meet this woman and I freak out haha. 

RBH's reply to my shame and misery was, "its okay, you're not supposed to know who she is."

"Me?! of all people should know who she is. People like me are supposed to be worshiping her."

I can't believe I've watched that movie 576 times, am currently studying the Old Testamant, am a self-declared obsessor over LDS female scholars, and I didn't recognize her. Biggest fail of 2014.

I'm never going to be asked to pray in General Women's meeting now....hahahaha Truman G Madsen is looking down on me in shaaaaaaaaaame nooooooo. 

RBH is now making fun of me because I am buying her book right now because I feel like I owe it to her.

She really is an awesome lady. Read her testimony here.

What Really Happened on My Birthday

What I thought would happen:

RBH and I have been talking about my birthday for weeks. (He would say that I am the one thats been doing the talking but who are you going to believe?) Seriously, though, we have had it planned since January.

1. My birthday was on a Friday this year. WHAT! The best birthdays are on Fridays. Last year I had to work/school from 5am-5pm and then had school the next day. This year?!? FRIDAY!

2. We are obsessed with The Muppets. Obsessed. The new Muppet movie? Came out ON MY BIRTHDAY!

3. I have been asking RBH if we could buy cheesecake pretty much every week since we got engaged. We never have. Ever. We always say "we'll get one for your birthday." Seriously. For months. Well. I l.o.v.e. The Cheesecake Factory. So boom. Muppets and Cheesecake Factory were all we could talk about for months.

4. Because this is my first married birthday we were going to do all of it just us--with no phones, plans, responsibilities. Then the next day have some friends over. Greatness.

What really happened:

The Saturday before my birthday we got a call that my grandpa had passed away. Now you have to understand, the next week was spent thinking about him and my family. I wasn't that self-obsessed that I was bitter about my plans because of THAT. It was a BEAUTIFUL week spent with my family in my home and in my grandpa's home. It was an amazing week. The funeral was the day before my birthday, and his burial was to be the day after my birthday. So I felt okay with taking that day in between to acknowledge it and go through with our birthday plans--just with Samika and my parents with us. Because of the circumstances of the week, it didn't FEEL like it was my birthday, but I was fine with that.

So. That being clarified here is how it went...

Friday morning, I woke up with my right eye. My left eye was crusted over with sickness and disappointment. I furiously rubbed it and rolled over to look at the beautiful man next to me.

"Happy Birthday, Coco." 

My voice croaked out a "thanks, babe," but barely any noise came out.

Great. My voice is completely shot. I feel like somebody steamrolled my head last night before stuffing cotton balls in my ears.

Being completely determined to make this a normal day, I continued to talk for the rest of the day ignoring the consistent throbbing in my throat that coincided with each word.

We all climbed into the car to see a morning showing of Muppets Most Wanted. 

Oh, it was so good. My squeaky excuse for a laugh was heard throughout the theater. 

The whole fam climbed back into the car and headed over to Cheesecake Factory. I ordered the meal I had been thinking about for 2 months. It was great.

We headed home, my angel husband decided to pack up all my stuff while I took a quick nap, and headed to the airport. 

The six of us filed into the check in line of Southwest, and ONE HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES LATER we filed out of the line. I spent the 90 minutes thinking about whether my face was visibly throbbing or if it was just a feeling...and dreaming about telling off the person in charge of the Southwest counter. (I am sorry but 3 employees each working ONE computer on a Friday night during Spring break season in Chicago??? Are you new here or something?)

Mom and Dad got through check in first and took off...our plane was taking off in 15 minutes.

SIL Jenn and I then took off as our husbands finished getting our bags weighed.

15 minutes. With security ahead of us and a run down the terminal. This would be my proudest Chicago girl moment. 

Jenn and I got on the escalator to security and I taught those in front of us the concept of "hi. You are now in a city airport and we live by the rule of 'stand on the right, walk on the left'". Aka please MOVE. 

We jumped around the escalator riders and then pool-side-run-walked around the people approaching the security lines. The lines were full, but I saw a line to the far right that had 1 man standing in it. BEELINE. We were through ticket and ID check in literally 120 seconds. 

I praised the 567 times I had been through this specific airport security and knowing that there were 2 hidden security lines around the corner. I turn the corner, and there is ONE woman going through the line I have my eye on. One. I look back at Jenn and see that she is in the other one person security line. Another 120 seconds later, and we are through security. As I put my shoes back on, I notice the classic Chicago looking security woman laughing at my intensity. I meet up with Jenn, and we begin searching for our other family members. 

We see mom, dad, brother, and husband all were specifically escorted to a different security line. The long one. With mixed looks of panic and humor, they wave us on.

(They told us later that 3 of the 4 were asked to step aside in line as they were randomly selected for an individual security hand scan. Really?? Really. You're killin me here!)

The pregnant girl and the sick girl start frantically making their way through B terminal--remember those 567 flights I've made between UT and IL? Those flights are always in the same 3 gates. We start booking it and I look down at my ticket to find which of those 3 gates we are headed to (thankfully all of them are pretty close).

Terminal A? What?! I don't even think I've been through Terminal A in my life. Jenn and I U-turn and start booking it to Terminal A. My ticket reads Gate A4B...what the what does that even mean?! I feel like I'm all of a sudden in a nightmare and I'm going to get there and there will be a Gate A4 and a Gate A5 and Ill just keep walking back and forth wanting to cry before I look down and see that I forgot to put pants on this morning.

The pregnant and the sick girl keep run-walking till we see a sign that says Gates 4 and an arrow to some random tunnel hallway. WHY THIS GATE OF ALL DAYS. We make it down the 2 city blocks of tunnel and see that the plane has already boarded...but is still here.

I later told my mom, "it was really good that Jenn and I were the 2 that got ahead because she is pregnant and I've got a mouth."

I put my mouth on and started talking to the man at the ticket desk, the flight attendants, and anybody that would listen to me. "Hi. We are on our way to my Grandpa's burial and my mom, dad, brother, and husband are running here from security and I am going to put my tray table down, my seat back, turn on all my electronic devices, and stand in the aisle bugging you until they get here so that we can't take off. Thanks for understanding."

(Remember all of this is happening through the mouth of a girl that barely has a voice. Very effective. Now noting that this actually was a tender mercy. Thank you Heavenly Father :) sorry I complained). 

I stood in the aisle doing my thing while taking snotty deep cardio breaths and trying to air out my sweaty running-through-a-Narnia-aiport-tunnel spine.

FINALLY I see the 4 heads that I love pile onto the plane.

RBH starts moving toward the back of the plane where I am standing, and I notice that there are only 2 seats back here.

I put my mouth back on.

It says something along the lines of, "Hello sir. Would you mind switching seats? As you can hear, I am very sick. My husband is about to sit in that seat next to you. I think it would be nice for every one here if I sat on an aisle seat next to him so that he will be the only person receiving my germs (and I can zonk out on his shoulder and find some sweet relief on my birthday haha). So how about you sit here and you, sir, you can sit here and I sit here."

Everybody in the surrounding rows all agreed with my idea. Many of them thanking RBH for being willing to sit next to me.

Sigh.

No missed plane. And I get to suffer through the flight next to my husband and not a germaphobic stranger.

I'll try to sparknote the rest of the night with the highlights:

Oh hey there are our bags...but where's mom and dad's bag??? Oh they want us to come back for it tomorrow morning at the same time as the burial? Cool. Lets go buy a toothbrush.

We drive up to Brigham City (where my grandparents grew up and RBH and I were married), and pull into the hotel we stayed at during wedding week. My heart was beaming. All the memories of that awesome week came flooding back. Maybe I had been a little harsh on the health factor of how my day went. This is an awesome way to end a birthday. Husband and me. Back at the hotel all our families were at before our wedding. Together. We hadn't had any time alone in a week and a half and here we were in the very town we started our new life together.

I started getting sentimental remembering and vowed that I would be in a better mood.
I got some hot chocolate for my throat and to calm me down so I could sleep.

Then I spent the rest of the night being sick in the bathroom from food poisoning that I had gotten from The Cheesecake Factory earlier that day. (In between coughing and blowing my nose, mind you).

My birthday cheesecake. gave. me. food. poisoning.

After a sleepless night of torture, my parents came to check on me and give me some medicine before they headed to my grandpa's burial. I had to miss it. It was, simply, the worst feeling ever.

Sometime later RBH hauled me in the car to take me home and be miserable there.

So. That is the reason basically nobody got a thank you response to their birthday greeting hahahah. And we can all laugh about it now.

Am I the only one laughing?

I got my lesson--don't be so self-obsessed about my birthday next time.







*Don't worry. Next post is about the beautiful moments of the wonderful week we had remembering my grandpa before that day. It really was amazing. Stay tuned.

Would you mind taking our picture??

When RBH and I were dating, I confessed a goal that I had to him: I want to go to all the temples in Utah before I move away. RBH looked at me with shock and said, "I have that same exact goal!!" Amidst the long distance dating, we got to go to a lot of the temples in Utah together. (One of my fav parts of our courtship).

Well. Folks. We are moving out of Utah for good in 7 weeks, and we still have a couple more temples to visit. 

I did something awful, though. I haven't taken our picture in front of all of the temples we've already been to. I don't have any way of saving that memory or proving our goal at the end. So I have started to be adamant about taking pictures in front of the temple when we go. 

Yesterday, we went to the incredibly beautiful Draper temple. I tried a couple times to take a selfie of us because nobody was around to take our picture. Just as I was about to give up hope, an older couple and their 20 something daughter began to approach. 

I was so relieved--I have had really unfortunate results with pictures when I have handed my iPhone to anybody over the age of 45. I was so grateful to see the 20something girl--the way she dressed and acted told me she was pretty with it and I could count on her knowing how to take a quality picture on an iPhone. 

I called her out. "Would you mind taking our picture?" She excitedly agreed and even began to tell us where to move to get better lighting and even jumped up on the little wall we were standing by to get a better angle. 

Sweet. I knew I just had to find somebody that had exposure to an iPhone. We took the picture and proceeded into the temple. 

Later in the day, I remembered to check how the pictures turned out.

Here they are unedited:

Take 2:

I mean, really?! Really. Why do people do this? Haha

I mean it's partly my fault because I was so distracted and rushing to get this taken in the blaring sun that I was just relieved it was over and not paying attention to what she was actually doing. 

BUT

Every single picture I've asked a stranger to take in front of a temple has turned out a little like this. 

...but the reason we are taking a picture here is because we're in front of the temple...so...

I just need to give in and start bringing my actual camera around again...and invest in a tripod. 

The worth of a soul; the worth of service

I've been thinking a lot lately about the worth of a soul, service, and the love of God. I have decided that the best way to share how I've been feeling is by sharing a letter that I wrote to my mission president while I was on my mission...

Monday, June 18, 2012

President B,

Sister R and I were talking about our missions this week while we were tracting in the good ol' Fairfield heat, and I told her how the mission has made me even more grateful and stunned by The Atonement. I told her an analogy for how I feel about my mission, and I want to share it with you too.

You know when there is one of those stellar hard-working perfect mothers that somehow seems to juggle all the things of life plus 3 young children? And then one Saturday, she leaves the house for a couple of hours to run some errands and leaves the oldest child in charge. So the oldest child comes up with an idea and tells the other two, "hey lets clean the house and make mom some cookies while she is gone so she'll come home and be so happy and know how much we love her." The other two are all for the plan, they are so excited because they have felt this deep love for their mother but never knew how they could possibly serve her in a way that would express it. So they go around the house trying to do the things that they have seen their mother do. They try to clean the floors like they've seen her clean them and stir the cookie dough just the way she does.

By the time their mother comes home, the children are exhausted, but thrilled, at the opportunity they had to spend a little bit of time being like mom. Mom comes through the door and sees her three sweaty, sticky children who are covered in flour and holding a plat of burnt cookies. It seems that all the furniture and things are in the wrong place, and with big grins on their faces, all three of them run up to her and yell, "welcome home!!!!" and wrap their arms around her, telling her they love her. She takes a moment and looks around her house--with everything in the wrong spot and tastes the cookie that has way too much flour and gazes into the eyes of her eager children and just weeps. Because it doesn't matter if the cookies are burnt or if the windows have smudges of windex all over them, because her children are looking up into her eyes full of love--having worked just for her. Her heart is full of gratitude to them just for trying.

That is how I feel about my mission. I feel like every night I have that moment with Heavenly Father. I get down on my knees and I look up at Him and say, "Well, Dad, I tried really hard to do the things that you do today. And I know the cookies don't taste very good, and I tried really hard to sweep the corners but somehow I didn't do it just right and there is still dust over there. But I love you so much, and I tried so hard. And so I hope you like it. I did all this just for you." And without fail, His response is always the same as that wonderful mother. I feel like He sits there on the floor with me and weeps. And He says, "these cookies are the best cookies I ever tasted" and "the corners look perfect" and the best one: "thank you so much for working all day. I love you." And somehow, even though I'm just as simple and small as those grimy faced kids, He makes me feel like what I did meant the world to Him. And I just glow at the idea that I could make my dear Heavenly Father happy and proud of His daughter.

Just as with those kids and their mother, I can look back at earlier times in my mission and see how the Savior has gone through after me and cleaned up the messes and mistakes I've made. I can see how somehow He knows how to make even my burnt cookies taste good. It is an incredible and miraculous thing to behold. His atonement is real, and His love for me is something I can't begin to comprehend, but something I can feel in a very real way every day.

Love, Hermana A.

This experience isn't unique. It isn't just missionaries that have important errands to do for The Lord. I know that everything that we do with the purpose of strengthening, uplifting, and serving others is The Lord's work, and it is important to Him. The Lord will never tell you that you are not enough. 

Whatever way it is that you are serving God or His children at this point in your life--I promise that it matters to Him.

I know that when you get down on your knees to talk to Him about how you are doing, He will come and spend time with you and tell you what you've done for Him is just the best thing that anybody has ever done for Him. He will thank you and love you.

There are no unimportant children to Him--so there is no unimportant service.

Happy Love Week: You need to love yourself more

I really believe that you can only truly love others if you love yourself.

In C.S. Lewis' book, The Great Divorce, Lewis tells the story of a bus ride between hell and heaven where those who were in hell are urged by inhabitants of heaven to repent and come with them. (If you haven't read it, do it. I l.o.v.e. this book).

There is a part of the book where a man meets the woman he loved on earth (she is asking him to come to heaven with her), and she explains that she doesn't need him now so she can now love him completely and fully. She no longer will love him out of need or any sort of selfishness, but she will love him, instead, just to love him. The man can't take it. He gets extremely upset and refuses to go with her because he can't let go of his need to feel needed. (This isn't a great summary haha. Sorry! Just read it).

In my brain, this part of the story taught me a simple truth--true pure love for another person comes when we love ourselves as well. This man was used to his wife needing him--loving him because it also benefited her. True love comes when we love someone just to love them--not when we expect something in return or because WE need it.

Side-note:

That is how I knew I would marry RBH. It was the first time that I dated somebody not because it made me feel good or it benefitted me and my happiness but because I really loved him and I wanted to do all I could to help him in his life. It was all for him. The crazy thing? I felt like he was in it all for me. (This paragraph would be my answer to somebody asking me how they know that somebody is "the one" btw...) (Second ps - I am not claiming our relationship is perfect. Even though, you know, it is ;) bahahah kidddding).

ANYWAY. One day my great friend Mrs. Lemmons told me that living Matthew 22:39: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself," required you to love yourself. She explained to me that if you hate yourself, then loving your neighbor as yourself isn't really going to do any good. If you are planning on loving people a lot, you have to love yourself a lot too.

That was a moment for me. Okay. So let me get this straight--if I work on loving myself more (not to be confused with self-worship), then I will be more capable of loving others. So working on loving myself more isn't selfish...it is improvement in order to love and help others more.

If we're going to love people more than they deserve, then maybe we need to love ourselves more than we deserve.

All of a sudden that childhood conversation with my mom made so much more sense. Whenever anybody was mean to me growing up my mom would say something like, "they just don't feel very good about themselves today, do they?" (as I'm sure most moms said). I would always roll my eyes, but that was one of the truest statements she ever taught me. 

When you truly love yourself, there is no reason not to love others.

When you truly love yourself, you don't have motivation to be insensitive to those around you.

When you truly love yourself, you don't have to be afraid of loving others as you love yourself.

So maybe when we make goals like "I need to love my husband/kids/siblings/parents/mailman/coworker more," we need to change that goal to "How can I love myself in a more authentic way so that I am more capable of fully loving my spouse/family/friends/acquaintances?"

I know that I, too, need to take my own advice. I am certain that loving neighbors more than I love myself has been my #1 sin in the overview of my life. Not that I am amazing at loving neighbors...I just could probably write a "How To Guide To Self-Criticism." Unfortunately, I have returned to that sin before like a dog returns to its vomit. The good news is that "the trying" counts with The Lord. I am not perfect in loving myself. In a lot of ways, I have a lot of improvement to make. But I have gotten closer and get closer every day. That is what matters to Him; I know it.

So. In this time of celebrating love, I hope we all choose to love ourselves more. It is a choice. You may have to choose to love yourself over and over and over--but it is a choice and it will get easier to choose as you keep choosing it. I really believe that that choice also includes choosing The Savior. He is love, He loves you, and He will give you love for yourself if you ask for it. So, ask for it.

I am going to try to practice what I preach and make a list of things that I love about myself today. If this list is a temptation for you to compare, judge, or criticize yourself or me (aka not love yourself) then don't read it. That is not why I'm writing it. I'm doing it so you will go and make your own list. I am giving you a demo, and I am giving you permission to go and make a list of your own without feeling guilty, silly, or ashamed. 

You can share your list with me after you are finished--whether in comment or in private. I would like that a lot.

10 Things I love about myself today:

- I love that I have freckles on my shoulders. I think they're really cute.

- I love that it is easy for me to love other people.

- I love my height and the perspective it gives me.

- I love that I speak Spanish.

- I love that I have chosen a life of following Jesus Christ.

- I love that I can laugh so hard that I cry, and I love that I can sometimes make other people laugh so hard that they cry. 

- I love that I am a woman and that I have divine gifts and characteristics that are feminine. I love that I get to fill the role of daughter, wife, mother, sister.

- I love that my middle toe takes longer to curl down than the other toes because I broke it when I was younger. It is so funny and quirky and it kills me haha.

- I love that my body loves moving to the rhythm of music, and that at one point in my life I worked hard to dance well. I still love dance, and I love that my body can do it.

- I love that my soul feels free of grudges and grief; I love that I have had the strength to forgive in my life.

If you're having trouble loving those around you, I really hope you'll consider working on loving yourself.

Ill be honest--you need to love yourself more.

Go make your list, dude. You're up.

Happy Love Week - Things I Love

50 Things That I Love Lately...

Warning: there are a lot of links to click on. You're welcome.

1. Getting a "Difficult Level" Sudoku puzzle done. Sweet fulfillment.

2. Smith's Private Selections ice cream

3. Showing my primary class some of the free online Bible Videos (love btw), and them thinking that somebody had caught Christ's birth on camera...and me having to explain, "no, these are just actors not the real Mary, Joseph, Jesus, etc." Despite my explanation they all were absolutely in awe at seeing the baby Jesus saying, "I can't believe that is Him!" Oh, the sweet innocent faith of a child.

4. My gold crochet hook.

5. We now have 3 bookshelves. 

6. The merengue section of my Zumba class

7. The beautiful wonderful 2013 edition scriptures that RBH got me.

8. My hubs getting into grad school. YEAH BABAY!

9. Thermals thermals thermals all day every day

10. The adorably hilarious answers that my kids give me half in Spanish and half in English every week at primary. They kill me. 

11. Listening to RBH take phone calls in Spanish. He is cute cute cute.

12. You get a graduation application! You get a graduation application! Everybody gets graduation applications!!!

13. This picture of my niece with Loopy Mango yarn.

14. Not having to endure Chicago during this polar freeze. Sorry Ma and Pa. 

15. Having chocolate de abuelita regularly these days

16. Getting a free NY Times from BYU every day. I don't love NYT but I do love a good inky copy of a real life newspaper..I see you are trying to win me over, BYU...very clever.

17. Beating RBH at card games. We are competitive. Admittedly, he beats me too.

18. Hearing the mailman open and close the mailbox and finding that it's more than ads/bills. 

19. The Olympics!!!!!!!! And that SIX Blackhawks were in the gold medal hockey game. 

20. Recipe books with beautiful pictures. 

21. The day The Ensign comes in the mail.

22. Lily Myer's performance at the College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational

23. Coolest service idea EVER: 

24. Sis Burton is speaking at the next CES Devotional. Happy.

25. My KitchenAid. GUYS. You don't even know. You just don't even KNOW. I shine it weekly.

26. IKEA, my Swedish blood loves your Swedish blood.

27. This room in the temple.

28. This picture and this picture will one day hang in my kitchen. 

29. ALWAYS having the car to yourself on The Frontline. What the what. 

30. LoLo's. The best store ever. 

31. Overdrive, I might love you the most.

32. Puzzle table.

33. Alphabetizing.

34. Blurb books. I will finish you.

35. Our latest Family History project. 

36 NFL bad lip reading #2

37. This kid's stance on Common Core.

38. Supporting Religious Freedom

39. Belting it out with Los Claxons.

40. Being a Compliance Paralegal. I think I'm good at my job.

41.  The unifying of Mormon women worldwide. I just cant say enough. Yes yes yes yes. YES. Oh and yesssss!! :)

42. Getting comments on my posts (is that a hint? haha is that pathetic? haha no way)

43. Putting an egg in Ramen. 4 years of college and I never thought to do this?! What a fail. Thank goodness RBH taught me.



There are so many things to appreciate in the world.

Top Ten Books from 2013

Here is the list of my ten favorite books I read this year. RBH and I have almost finished our goal reading lists for 2014. It is kind of the most exciting thing about the new year.

Here are my 10 personal favs from 2013...

10. Wonder by R.J. Palacio
I took a young adult lit class this year for my major. It was constructed in a way that you read a ton of young adult books in a short period of time so that you would be able to recommend books to your students. Some of the books we read were painful, but I really loved this book. I will definitely be recommending it to my kids and students. Good writing, great moral.

9. On Writing by Stephen King
This is a nonfiction writing memoir by Stephen King. I have never read any of his horror books, but I loved his voice in this book. One of the most personal and vulnerable pieces of writing I've ever read. I still think about this book often, and I finished it months ago.

8. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
I still haven't seen the movie :/ but I loved this book. I liked the twist of having the whole book narrated by Death. I loved that the protagonist is a little girl that loves books. A good piece of World War II fiction. The story was engaging and well written.

7. Teaching Adolescent Writing by Kelly Gallagher
This is more of a textbook, but I loved reading it. It is the best academic text that I have read about teaching writing. Instead of talking about everything in the abstract or discussing different educational theories, Gallagher gives you specific situations, examples, and rules that he lives by as a teacher. It made so many concepts concrete for me. I recommend it for all English majors, English teachers, or anybody who wants to know how to better teach writing to teenagers :)

6. The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult
This book gets placed in number 6 because it is the book that slapped me across the face this year. I thought I had Jodi Picoult all figured out and was pretty determined to not be thrown off by her writing. I'm still ticked because she totally nailed me. RBH will witness that as soon as I finished reading The Storyteller, I stormed out of the room and walked around for a good ten minutes. She tricked me. Okay. Whatever. This is some good entertaining fiction you might enjoy.

5. Bunner Sisters by Edith Wharton
I have a new womancrush on Edith Wharton. I feel like I should throw on a lacy gown and make sure that I look refined before I open my book. I loved Jane Austen in high school (hi, I'm a cliche) because I loved reading from a female author and I loved her criticism. Although Edith Wharton was totally after Austen's time, I love her for the same reasons. Except that she is American...even better ;) Why did nobody introduce me to her till I was in college? I don't know. But its a shame. She is the first woman to ever win the Pulitzer Prize for heaven's sake! Anyway. Moral of the story = maybe I will only read Edith Wharton in 2014. It would be great.

4. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
This was another book I read for YA Lit class. It is a semi-autobiographical representation of Sherman Alexie's experiences growing up on the Spokane Indian Reservation. It was stinking funny and stinking sad. I felt emotions, man. Good stuff.

3. Night by Elie Wiesel
One of those books I should have read years ago but just never got around to it. After umpteen weeks of RBH telling me to just sit down and read it...I finally did. (Did you notice there are 3 World War II/Holocaust/Shoah books on this list? RBH read like 576 books for his Shoah class...he read the hard ones and I read the easy ones ;) Anyway back to Night: you can't really say "this book is great! I loved it!" because that is not how you feel when you are done. I definitely didn't smile the rest of the day. I put it as #3 because it impacted me. It stuck to me for a couple of days and wouldn't leave me alone. That is normally how I judge a book: if I finish a book, put it down on the table, and the book stays there? it really didn't do much for me. If it follows me around the house for a couple days? We've got a winner.

2. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes after RBH and I saw the last movie together and we realized that neither of us knew a lot about the different stories of Sherlock Holmes (and we can't STAND IT when we don't know about something like that :). I kind of sort of maybe completely fell in love. There is a reason for so many of the spin offs/knock offs/references--this is good stuff. Every detective show/book gets a little something from Sherlock Holmes. It is so clever and classic. I will definitely be reading more in 2014

1. Women and the Priesthood by Sheri Dew
This book is #1 for me this year. For months I felt like I had studied and ranted about the same thing: women that don't love being women and why? When I found out Sheri Dew had written Women and the Priesthood...I didn't even wait for it to go on sale or slide down to a cheaper price. Guys. I got it right away. That is crazy for me. (Okay okay so RBH bought it for me...just because I really couldn't shut up about it). It was worth it. I felt so validated in the things I had been thinking and feeling; I fell even more in love with womanhood, and my testimony of my own divine nature and purpose increased. Sheri Dew wrote it perfectly, in my opinion. As disciples of Christ, we are given so much that we don't even cherish or take advantage of. The Father has given us everything we need; He has promised us all that He has. The filth of the world says we are supposed to be one thing, but we know better. We know that we have the potential to be incredible. So lets step up and be incredible, shall we? Read it. And then live it.

Okay ACTUALLY....the real #1 goes to There's Something Sticky in My Shoe! by Ronda Terrell
I had this book sent to me by my sister-in-law's mother, and I loved it! The coolest thing? She is the author. This is a creative children's book that will get any child's imagination rolling. In a world full of distracting technology, this book is a great addition to helping children relate to books at a young age; they will DEFINITELY relate to this one. I can't wait to read it to our little Hatchlings.


I can't wait for the reading of 2014. I already love book #1 of 2014: I Am Malala. It is going to be a good year, ya'll!
Read on!