Happy Love Week: You need to love yourself more

I really believe that you can only truly love others if you love yourself.

In C.S. Lewis' book, The Great Divorce, Lewis tells the story of a bus ride between hell and heaven where those who were in hell are urged by inhabitants of heaven to repent and come with them. (If you haven't read it, do it. I l.o.v.e. this book).

There is a part of the book where a man meets the woman he loved on earth (she is asking him to come to heaven with her), and she explains that she doesn't need him now so she can now love him completely and fully. She no longer will love him out of need or any sort of selfishness, but she will love him, instead, just to love him. The man can't take it. He gets extremely upset and refuses to go with her because he can't let go of his need to feel needed. (This isn't a great summary haha. Sorry! Just read it).

In my brain, this part of the story taught me a simple truth--true pure love for another person comes when we love ourselves as well. This man was used to his wife needing him--loving him because it also benefited her. True love comes when we love someone just to love them--not when we expect something in return or because WE need it.

Side-note:

That is how I knew I would marry RBH. It was the first time that I dated somebody not because it made me feel good or it benefitted me and my happiness but because I really loved him and I wanted to do all I could to help him in his life. It was all for him. The crazy thing? I felt like he was in it all for me. (This paragraph would be my answer to somebody asking me how they know that somebody is "the one" btw...) (Second ps - I am not claiming our relationship is perfect. Even though, you know, it is ;) bahahah kidddding).

ANYWAY. One day my great friend Mrs. Lemmons told me that living Matthew 22:39: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself," required you to love yourself. She explained to me that if you hate yourself, then loving your neighbor as yourself isn't really going to do any good. If you are planning on loving people a lot, you have to love yourself a lot too.

That was a moment for me. Okay. So let me get this straight--if I work on loving myself more (not to be confused with self-worship), then I will be more capable of loving others. So working on loving myself more isn't selfish...it is improvement in order to love and help others more.

If we're going to love people more than they deserve, then maybe we need to love ourselves more than we deserve.

All of a sudden that childhood conversation with my mom made so much more sense. Whenever anybody was mean to me growing up my mom would say something like, "they just don't feel very good about themselves today, do they?" (as I'm sure most moms said). I would always roll my eyes, but that was one of the truest statements she ever taught me. 

When you truly love yourself, there is no reason not to love others.

When you truly love yourself, you don't have motivation to be insensitive to those around you.

When you truly love yourself, you don't have to be afraid of loving others as you love yourself.

So maybe when we make goals like "I need to love my husband/kids/siblings/parents/mailman/coworker more," we need to change that goal to "How can I love myself in a more authentic way so that I am more capable of fully loving my spouse/family/friends/acquaintances?"

I know that I, too, need to take my own advice. I am certain that loving neighbors more than I love myself has been my #1 sin in the overview of my life. Not that I am amazing at loving neighbors...I just could probably write a "How To Guide To Self-Criticism." Unfortunately, I have returned to that sin before like a dog returns to its vomit. The good news is that "the trying" counts with The Lord. I am not perfect in loving myself. In a lot of ways, I have a lot of improvement to make. But I have gotten closer and get closer every day. That is what matters to Him; I know it.

So. In this time of celebrating love, I hope we all choose to love ourselves more. It is a choice. You may have to choose to love yourself over and over and over--but it is a choice and it will get easier to choose as you keep choosing it. I really believe that that choice also includes choosing The Savior. He is love, He loves you, and He will give you love for yourself if you ask for it. So, ask for it.

I am going to try to practice what I preach and make a list of things that I love about myself today. If this list is a temptation for you to compare, judge, or criticize yourself or me (aka not love yourself) then don't read it. That is not why I'm writing it. I'm doing it so you will go and make your own list. I am giving you a demo, and I am giving you permission to go and make a list of your own without feeling guilty, silly, or ashamed. 

You can share your list with me after you are finished--whether in comment or in private. I would like that a lot.

10 Things I love about myself today:

- I love that I have freckles on my shoulders. I think they're really cute.

- I love that it is easy for me to love other people.

- I love my height and the perspective it gives me.

- I love that I speak Spanish.

- I love that I have chosen a life of following Jesus Christ.

- I love that I can laugh so hard that I cry, and I love that I can sometimes make other people laugh so hard that they cry. 

- I love that I am a woman and that I have divine gifts and characteristics that are feminine. I love that I get to fill the role of daughter, wife, mother, sister.

- I love that my middle toe takes longer to curl down than the other toes because I broke it when I was younger. It is so funny and quirky and it kills me haha.

- I love that my body loves moving to the rhythm of music, and that at one point in my life I worked hard to dance well. I still love dance, and I love that my body can do it.

- I love that my soul feels free of grudges and grief; I love that I have had the strength to forgive in my life.

If you're having trouble loving those around you, I really hope you'll consider working on loving yourself.

Ill be honest--you need to love yourself more.

Go make your list, dude. You're up.